Sunday, April 25, 2010

starting over

At this point in my life I've come to a realization that a certain degree of control must be exerted over my circumstancesin order to assure a harmounious second half to my life. I have experienced a great many things and learned much. It is time to take what i have gathered and build not only for my future but for the future of my daughter and humanity.

I have, at this point in my life, lost almost everything. My credit is ruined. My reputation has been smashed. I owe more money to more people and agencies than I can remmber. The community I wanted to become part of has rejected me for my indescresions and inablility start social sexual relations (true or not this is the effect of what happened). A large syndicate has become aware of me and is harrasing me regularly. My dental health is failing rapidly due to a lifetime of poverty and ignorance on my part. I have no place to live or create so my time dedicated to writing is limited and sparotic. My family has become unreliable in an supportive sense. I have few freinds who would extend any living assistance or palce to live. I have no money and have been relegated to the lower end of the earning spectrum by society and a lack of education. I'm hearing spirits and seeing some stange things. Even as I chip away at my own ego and habitual behaviors in an attempt to harmonize myself with my soul intent in this life, challenges appear around everycorner I turn and people seem to oppose my very growth. i know this isn't the truth but, I can't help but feel at times like I have some sort of...evil opposing my every effort. I'll focus more on this in later blogs.

I'm keeping my mind focused on my efforts to reach oregon and my daughter. My van has been repaired and money is coming soon. I will be able to depart from exile in Pine Ridge soon and will begin the trip back to Santa Cruz and the mystery of my life and why I seem to have attracted SO MUCH attention. I know I have a large psychic presense. But why do so many fear me, when all I look for is love. All i desire is to assist in the unfolding of the new paradigm. Answers have started coming.

1 comment:

  1. Your answers will come my friend. It has been a long time since you and i have talked. I am sure we have some issues to deal with at some point. I consider you a friend. I do not hold anything against you. we are getting to old for that. Be true to yourself my friend, your answers will come, they surely will in some of the most unexpected ways.